Post by Far Rider on Sept 19, 2005 14:51:52 GMT -8
Dad, when I grow up I want to be a guitar player.
Look son, you can't do both.
Q. How many blues guitar players does it take to change a light bulb?
A. Don't worry about the change, they’ll improvise!
Q: How do you get two guitar players to play in perfect unison?
A: Shoot One.
Q: What's the difference between a Lead Guitarist and the PLO?
A: You can negotiate with the PLO.
Q: Why are so many guitarists jokes one liners?
A: So the rest of the band can understand them.
Q: Why do only 10% of guitar players make it to heaven?
A: Because if they all went, it would be Hell.
Q: What do you call a guitar player who just broke up with his girlfriend?
A: Homeless
Assorted musician jokes:
Q: What is the difference between "musician" and "mutual fund"?
A: A mutual fund will eventually mature and began earning money.
Q: What is the difference between a musician and a large pizza?
A: A large pizza can feed a family of four.
Q: How many girl singers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Only one, but she holds on to the bulb and waits for the whole world to revolve around her.
Q. What's the difference between a dead skunk in the road and a musician?
A. At least the skunk was on time for his next gig.
Q. Why do bagpipe players walk while they play?
A. To get away from the noise.
Q. What is the definition "lucky break"?
A. When a busload of bagpipe players goes off a cliff.
Q. What's the difference between a puppy and a folksinger?
A. Eventually the puppy stops whining.
Q. What happens if you play blues music backwards?
A. Your wife returns to you, your dog comes back to life, and you get out of prison.
Q. How does a blues band end up with a million dollars?
A. Start with $2 million.
And finally, (my personal favorite) accordion jokes. (You accordion players know who you are!)
Q: What is the difference between an accordion and a concertina?
A: An accordion takes much longer to burn.
Q. What's the definition of perfect pitch?
A. An accordion hitting a banjo in a dumpster.
Q. What's the difference between an accordion and an onion ?
A. No one cries when you cut up an accordion.
Q. What's the range of an accordion?
A. Twenty yards if you've got a good arm.
Look son, you can't do both.
Q. How many blues guitar players does it take to change a light bulb?
A. Don't worry about the change, they’ll improvise!
Q: How do you get two guitar players to play in perfect unison?
A: Shoot One.
Q: What's the difference between a Lead Guitarist and the PLO?
A: You can negotiate with the PLO.
Q: Why are so many guitarists jokes one liners?
A: So the rest of the band can understand them.
Q: Why do only 10% of guitar players make it to heaven?
A: Because if they all went, it would be Hell.
Q: What do you call a guitar player who just broke up with his girlfriend?
A: Homeless
Assorted musician jokes:
Q: What is the difference between "musician" and "mutual fund"?
A: A mutual fund will eventually mature and began earning money.
Q: What is the difference between a musician and a large pizza?
A: A large pizza can feed a family of four.
Q: How many girl singers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Only one, but she holds on to the bulb and waits for the whole world to revolve around her.
Q. What's the difference between a dead skunk in the road and a musician?
A. At least the skunk was on time for his next gig.
Q. Why do bagpipe players walk while they play?
A. To get away from the noise.
Q. What is the definition "lucky break"?
A. When a busload of bagpipe players goes off a cliff.
Q. What's the difference between a puppy and a folksinger?
A. Eventually the puppy stops whining.
Q. What happens if you play blues music backwards?
A. Your wife returns to you, your dog comes back to life, and you get out of prison.
Q. How does a blues band end up with a million dollars?
A. Start with $2 million.
And finally, (my personal favorite) accordion jokes. (You accordion players know who you are!)
Q: What is the difference between an accordion and a concertina?
A: An accordion takes much longer to burn.
Q. What's the definition of perfect pitch?
A. An accordion hitting a banjo in a dumpster.
Q. What's the difference between an accordion and an onion ?
A. No one cries when you cut up an accordion.
Q. What's the range of an accordion?
A. Twenty yards if you've got a good arm.