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Post by daelf777 on Jul 6, 2007 1:34:56 GMT -8
i saw "Live Free or Die Hard" earlier this week and it got me wondering, Who would win a battle between John McClane and Chuck Norris?  |
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Post by dustdevil28 on Jul 6, 2007 16:14:11 GMT -8
Chuck Norris doesn't do push ups, he pushes the earth down. The Boggey Man checks his closet for Chuck Norris before he goes to bed at night. If you can see Chuck, he can see you. If you can't see him, you are only moments away from death. Chuck Norris visited the virgin islands last spring, they are now known as the islands. Chuck Norris' tears can cure cancer, it's too bad he's never cried. Chuck Norris has been dead for 4 years. The grim reaper just doesn't have the guts to tell him. Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil to get his good looks. Right afterwards he roundhouse kicked the devil and took his soul back. The Devil appreciates the irony and now he and Chuck play cards every Tuesday. etc. I guess you know my pick. |
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Post by daelf777 on Jul 6, 2007 19:49:04 GMT -8
If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win. Forever.
Chuck Norris can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.
Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because Chuck Norris only recognizes the element of surprise.
Chuck Norris is the only person to ever win a staring contest against Ray Charles and Stevie Wonder at the same time.
Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
In the beginning there was nothing...then Chuck Norris Roundhouse kicked that nothing in the face and said "Get a job". That is the story of the universe.
The show Survivor had the original premise of putting people on an island with Chuck Norris. There were no survivors, and nobody is brave enough to go to the island to retrieve the footage.
The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris out. It failed miserably.
Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked a ten dollar bill into two hundred nickels.
Camels have a hump because Chuck Norris needed a place to store his kills.
Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.
As a teen Chuck Norris impregnated every nun in a convent tucked away in the hills of Tuscany. Nine months later the nuns gave birth to the 1972 Miami Dolphins, the only undefeated and untied team in NFL history.
Chuck Norris can touch MC Hammer.
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Post by MrDoublel on Jul 7, 2007 9:40:50 GMT -8
LMAO!!!! Counted to infinity twice...That's funny as hell!
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Post by MrDoublel on Jul 7, 2007 9:51:48 GMT -8
In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Chuck Norris could use to kill you, including the room itself.
Chuck Norris once shot a German plane down with his finger, by yelling "Bang!"
Chuck Norris can make a woman climax by simply pointing at her and saying "booya!"
Chuck Norris was the fourth Wiseman. He brought baby Jesus the gift of "beard". Jesus wore it proudly until his dying day. The other Wisemen, jealous of Jesus' obvious gift favoritism, used their combined influence to have Chuck omitted from the Bible. Shortly thereafter all three died of roundhouse kick related deaths.
Hellen Keller's favorite color is Chuck Norris.
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Post by cataracts on Jul 8, 2007 1:55:27 GMT -8
Chuck Norris was born four months before his father. He is one tough hunky boy.
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Post by MrDoublel on Jul 8, 2007 6:13:33 GMT -8
He ain't the only Bad Man there is though...
Gravity dosen't exist. Mr. T just pities everything to stay the f#@% down. Birds and planes are exempt beacuse they are shaped like Ts.
Mr. T was originally cast to play Arnold Jackson on Diff'rent Strokes. Unfortunately every time he said, "whatchoo talkin' 'bout, Willis?" Willis shit himself.
Mr. T was fired from the Psychic Friends Network for always predicting pain.
If you rearrange the letters in Mr. T, he'll f'ing break you.
The last man who made eye contact with Mr. T was Ray Charles.
Mr. T destroyed the periodic table, saying Mr. T. only recognizes the element of surprise.
Mr. T and Superman once fought each other on a bet. The loser had to start wearing his underwear on the outside of his pants.
Mr. T invented the X-Ray, the G-String, the R-Rating and Jay-Z after a late-night drunken bender caused him to momentarily forget which letter he was.
Mr. T is one part gold, two parts muscle, one part anger, and no parts jibba jabba.
Mr. T is allergic to doorknobs. That's why he can only kick through doors.
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Post by daelf777 on Dec 22, 2007 22:21:37 GMT -8
Chuck Norris once entered an adult chat room and impregnated everyone in said room, including the men.
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Post by bounce on Dec 23, 2007 5:51:20 GMT -8
Yeah, but Norris also supports the Huckabee for President.
That's an automatic give-away of all "Kewl" points.
You can't have a man-crush on Norris after that!
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Post by daelf777 on Dec 23, 2007 8:28:46 GMT -8
why is that?
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Post by 101ABN on Dec 23, 2007 10:20:34 GMT -8
Supporting the Huckster immediately reduces your kewl points to zero.
Unlike supporting Ron Paul which sends your kewl points into exponential negative numbers, then closes your account permanently.
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Post by bounce on Dec 23, 2007 14:33:07 GMT -8
Huckabee and McCain are liberals. Ron Paul is psychotic. They have no business representing conservatism. |
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Post by daelf777 on Dec 23, 2007 17:39:54 GMT -8
who would you suggest then?
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Post by bounce on Dec 26, 2007 15:04:31 GMT -8
who would you suggest then? Good question. Right now, I am just resigned to voting for the nominee. As far as the primaries go.... Mario likes Thompson. Honestly, if Mario likes someone, that's good enough for me - no shit. The ONLY thing I don't like about Thompson is he comes across as lazy to people who are looking for a Rock Star. I doubt he has the energy to get nominated. He needs an adrenalin shot to the heart if he's going to appeal to the gen Xers. |
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Post by 101ABN on Dec 26, 2007 15:09:33 GMT -8
By this time in February, Paul should be nothing more than the answer to a trivia question.
If Thompson would get off his ass and ACT like he actually wanted the job, I could probably get behind him.
Until then it's just basic ABC, anybody but Clinton.
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