Hey everybody, My name is Josh

[wallst]

Jesus Christ, that sounded like a support group introduction.

I'm most likely the youngest guy here, and as such, I'm sure I'll be the recepient of many insults regarding my age, just like at THC. Many of you already know me. I'm the Centrist from THC, also known as America-IsNewRome and WallStreetDemocrat.

I don't want to spend too much time going into details about myself. For that reason, you guys are welcome to ask any questions about me you might have.

I'm from Long Beach, California - well mostly.

I currently live in Sin City. It's great for vacationers, but not for locals. Trust me.

I'm a Laker fan, and a big Dodger fan. My favorite football team is the Raiders.

I love girls, especially if they like me back.

I'm horrible with relationships, and most of the time I'm not in one. That's the way I like it and I never get bored. I've never cheated on anybody, but I just need variety. I've cared about one girl in my life, and one only. I'm incredibly outlandish. I'm a daredevil, and I have a reputation of being extremely blunt.

I have a disease that impacts my life greatly, but it has also made me a stronger person. I used to have a strong talent for basketball, but I am no longer able to play it. Now, I'm a High School Swimmer.

I make outrageously funny home videos with my friends. I write all of the scripts. They're really popular at my school and around my neighborhood. I've sold like a hundred copies of various "productions".

Um, I can go on all day, but It makes me feel really vain. "You're so vain, you probably think this song is about you, don't you, don't you now!"

Sorry, I just kind of had to bust out right there all of a sudden. I just hate it when my brain spazzes out like that. I do that all the time when I'm with my friends. If a word or a phrase reminds me of a song, I just bust out on the spot and start singing. I can't sing to save my life btw.

To conclude, I would just like to say i'm glad to be here, and the prozac's working, and thank you for all your support.

Thunderous applause......

[Merceditas]

Hi!!!! ;D

What woman could not like that vibrant personality?

[MARIO]

lol...good intro, Josh.

"I love girls, especially if they like me back."

Haha.

What kind of "home movies" you make? You write at all, like about possible movie ideas?

My friend wants to be a screenwriter, so he's always working on ideas and jotting them down.

>>>"You're so vain, you probably think this song is about you, don't you, don't you now!" <<<

Haha, that song was great when used in a scene from the movie "Dick" with Kirsten Dunst. It was a comedy about Watergate and Richard Nixon. They played that song when Nixon was leaving the White House and boarding Marine One after resigning. It was a great scene.

Again, cool intro man.

Welcome aboard.

[wallst]

"What kind of "home movies" you make? You write at all, like about possible movie ideas?

My friend wants to be a screenwriter, so he's always working on ideas and jotting them down."

Oh, all sorts of things. Now that you've asked, I've been looking for my scripts and I can't find 'em anyplace! It's probably some where in that safety hazard I call a room.

But, here's one of my latest pieces of work. For some reason, my computer didn't store like the last 2/3 of it, but here's the beginning.
------------------------------------

The Butter King

Actors Parts:
Shannel – FBI Agent #1
Josh – FBI Agent #2
Kaleb – Butter Knife Dealer
Nick- Miscellaneous Criminal
Dave – Miscellaneous Criminal

Necessary Supplies
Suits
Gangster Clothing
Butter Knives
Walkey Talkey
Hand Cuffs
Cell Phone
Warrant Paper
Wallets (FBI Badges)
Head Phones

Locations:
Centennial Hills Skate Park
Giles’ Home

Special Effects Requirements:
Slow-Motion
Voice Dubs-Narrarator
Reverse Filming
Music

Camera Crew:
Nick, Kaleb





Script

The Plot begins at the park. Two FBI agents, Detectives Johnny Johnson, (Josh) and Rob Robinson (Shannel), are going to approach a group of hoodlums who have been reported having illegal possession of the most deadly weapons known to man, Butter Knives.


Johnny and Rob each hide behind cars, and communicate through walcky talkies. Johnny spots the gangsters, and he signals Rob to move in. Johnny and Rob approach the street punks.

J: (Johnny and Rob flash their badges) What’s going on here gentlemen?
N: (Nick and Dave both sigh and shake their heads) Nothing much officers. How’s Las Vegas’ finest doing this afternoon?
S: Were not cops kid, we’re FBI. Let’s cut to the chase. We want to know what you’re selling.
D: Hey listen Mr. Fed, we ain’t doin’ nothing here, except minding our own business. So why don’t you make like a tree and leave?
J: (Tension rises) You listen here punk, I know a big deal’s goin’ down here today, and you two scumbags are in on it. So why don’t you just cooperate, and maybe we could pull some strings for you, you know, get the justice system workin’ for you.
(Criminals mutter obscenities)
J: On the same token, if you refuse to help us, you’re looking at 25 – life. So I suggest you…
D: (Dave interrupts abruptly) Shish, you’re nothing but a lot of talk and a badge. (Dave spits on the ground rudely)
J: That’s it, let’s book em. He gestures to Rob.
S: You had your chance fool. On the ground, both of y’all. (Rob and Johnny began to put them in handcuffs. They begin tickling them.)
N: Okay, okay, all right, that’s enough already. We’ll tell you what we know!
J: That’s what I like to hear. Ok, what do you got?
D: Were supposed to buy some pieces off this guy.
S: What kind of pieces?
D: That’s all I’m saying copper.
J: Don’t play with us punk! (Johnny starts tickling Dave) WHAT KIND OF PIECES?!!
D: (He’s laughing) Okay! I’ll tell you what you need to know!
J: And?
D: They’re butter knives! The guy was supposed to deliver em’ to us here, around 3:00.
S: That’s in ten minutes!
J: What’s the seller’s name?
D: Chou, Jimmy Chou.
J: The famous dealer from Chinatown?
D: Yeah I think so.

J: (Johnny gets the chills just thinking about it) Oooooh. I can’t help but think what would’ve happened if we weren’t here to stop this. Just imagine how those vicious butter knives would slice right through that butter, cube by cube. Ooooh.
S: Thanks a lot boys, you made the right decision. (Rob dusts off Dave and Nick’ clothes)
J: There he is, 9:00! (Johnny points in excitement)
S: Let’ get em!

Meanwhile, as the detectives spot Jimmy Chou, he sees them. He stops dead in his tracks. He then makes a run for it. Rob and Johnny chase him and engage in a hot pursuit…


J: He’s running onto the grass!
S: I see him. We got get him before he reaches the grass!

They chase him down, and Jimmy Chou barely makes it to the end of the grass. The detectives stop on a dime.

S: Darn it, I don’t want to get my dress shoes all dirty!
J: Me neither.
(The two detectives are no more than six inches away from the Butter King, who is on the other side of the grass)
K: Ha, ha filthy round eye coppers. Can’t catch me now can you? (Jimmy Chou sticks his tongue at the agents)
J: We’ll get you next time Jimmy, Butter Knife King! We’ll hunt you down!
S: That’s right!
K: Ha! I’d like to see you try. (He turns around and takes off)

J: We almost had him!
S: Word.
J: Let’s call it a day. Italian? I could sure go for some lasagna.



End of Intro






The following words appear on the screen. The paragraph slowly zooms in as the narrator reads the words.

Las Vegas, Winter, 2005. The valley has witnessed unprecedented levels of gang violence. The rate of innocent casualties due to gang violence is alarming. 5,000 men and women have been either wounded or killed in the past year alone. Recent research has revealed that the most popular weapon of choice by criminals is butter knives. Yes, BUTTER KNIVES. Because of their deadly potential, the federal government has outlawed them since May of last year. Still however, more murders continue to take place, the majority of which involved butter knives. President Bush referred to them as “Weapons of Mass Destruction.” The legal system is finally cracking down on illegal possession of these “harmful pieces of silverware.” In depth undercover work has been instituted to help get these weapons and those who sell them off the streets. One man still eludes the police though. His name is Jimmy Chou, or as he is called on the streets, the “Butter King.” Two brave FBI agents have been assigned the task of finding this insidious criminal. Their names are Johnny Johnson and Rob Robinson. This is their story.

Display the Title – The Butter King

Scene # 2 – Giles’ Home

The two detectives receive a tip, with regards to Jimmy Chou’s hideout. They get a federal warrant to search his belongings, and go to his house…..

J: (Johnny knocks on the door) FBI, open up!

[wallst]

And here's one of my real short ones. It's part of a three part series. The other one is about a guy who has a phobia of air. He is afraid of breathing, so he carries a brown paper bag around, and breathes through that. When asked how he breathes, he says, "I try not to."

The third episode is a Jerry Springer type session where all the paranoid freaks get together and talk about their problems on the talk show. It's really funny when you see it acted it out. It's real "stupid" type humor. But anyway, here's one of my other ones.
--------------------------------------------------------

PARONOIA!


Skit # 1 – Food
Actors Parts:
Shannel – Psychiatrist
Josh – Patient
Nick and Kaleb – Paramedics

Necessary Supplies:
Doritos Bag (Nacho Cheese)
Table, w/two chairs
Regular clothing, suits

Location – Giles’ Family Room


Script

Patient walks in and meets with secretary (Kaleb). They exchange greetings.

K: How may I help you sir?
J: Yes, I have an appointment with Dr. Ford.
K: Oh, you’re his 4:00! He’s been expecting you. Right this way please. (Kaleb leads Josh to doctor)

Shannel awaits Josh’s arrival. Josh enters, Shannel rises to greet him. They exchange greetings, Shannel offer Josh a seat…….


S: So Joshua, tell me, what can I do for you today?
J: (Josh is nervous, uncomfortable, keeps moving his fingers) Well, I um, I um, I’m afraid of objects containing nutritional value.
S: You mean food?
J: (Josh responds sharply and with a twitch/jerk) Yes, of course I mean food.
S: (Shannel rubs his chin) Hum, interesting, tell me Joshua, are there any kinds of food in particular that you’re afraid of?
J: Yeah, um, like Doritos. Not the ones in the blue bag, just the ones in the red bag, they’re the color of Satan.
S: Any other foods?
J: Yeah, I hate those Goldfish crackers. Yeah, they’re always smiling at me. What’s up with that man? What’s so funny? And chicken, it just unnerves me. Especially the ones from El Pollo Loco. Yeah definitely, those ones, definitely, it’s always laughing. I mean think about it, it’s a crazy chicken, it makes sense! (Josh starts spazzing out)
S: Joshua, I’m gonna have to ask you to calm down. Just relax. (Josh is still spazzing out) Here, take some of these. Have a glass of water. (Dr. gives patient pills)
S: Now Joshua, Joshua look at me Joshua. Look at me. (Dr. gets patient to follow his finger) Okay. Okay, I want you to take a deep breath and just relax. Go to your happy place.

A moment of pause. Josh closes his eyes.

J: I am in my happy place.
S: What are you doing in your happy place Joshua?
J: I’m taking a nice relaxing dump. It smells like…
(Shannel abruptly interrupts)
S: Okay, we’re leaving the happy place now.
(Doctor has to slap Josh out of it)

S: Okay, now that we have you in a calmer state of mind, I think it’s time we began the treatment. (Josh consents)


Shannel opens suitcase and brings out a red Dorito bag. Josh freaks out, just at the sight of it.

S: (Shannel opens bag) I am now going to eat a dorito chip. And yes it is from the red bag. (Josh is starting to spazz out again)
J: Don’t do it, don’t do it doc, its Satan’s chip!!! (Shannel slowly brings the chip to his mouth)
S: We must confront our fears Joshua. (He puts the chip in his mouth)
Josh screams in horror.
Shannel eats the chip.
S: Do you hear the delicious nacho cheese crunch Joshua?
J: No, No! Stop it! (sob,sob)
Josh begins shaking.
Shannel goes after another chip.
J: Stop it, no more! No more please! (Josh cries)
S: (Doctor smells the air. He looks at patient’s crotch) Did you just soil yourself? (camera zooms in on patient’s wet groin)
J: Yes, boo hoo, boo hoo.
S: That’s terrible, I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to put you through this. I’m truly sorry. (pause) Do you need a diaper?


JOSH SUDDENLY JERKS, AND HE FALLS OUT OF HIS CHAIR AND HAS A VIOLENT SEIZURE!!!!!!!

Shannel is horrified.

S: Get an ambulance quick! Somebody help! He’s having a seizure!

Nick and Kaleb rush in to help.
Josh suddenly stops shaking.
Nick feels his pulse.

N: He’s dead.





The End



Written By
Josh Owens

[wallst]

And I think the rest of mine are just written in my missing notebook, which I can't seem to find.

It's real silly humor, and it's so funny when you see it on screen. You guys can't pick up on all the special accents, and you can't see the costumes. And most importantly, you can't appreciate the camera design and the music. The music really makes a difference. We play real dramatic music during certain scenes, and it just gives it a unique feel. It's so ridiculously dramatic and out of place that you can't help but laugh.

I did a spoof on bodybuilding infomercials. That was probably one of my best.

I did a skit where I played a racists redneck cop, chasing down a "dangerous negro" (my best friend shannel, one of the actors, is black). It was basically making fun of racists policemen. I had a southern accent and everything. It was real funny. I chased down the actor playing the fugitive black man, and I tackled him and wrestled his hands behind his back. It was realistic because he actually resisted arrest, so it didn't look cheezy. And in the end, he gets away. He runs into a backyard and hops the fence out onto the street, and I abandon the chase. I start making racist comments about how N------- are always good jumpers and stuff. It was hilarious. That was our first skit.

I've just done so many. A few I had to modify, by getting rid of some obscene references, so I would be allowed to keep them, or to show them in class.

[cameron]

Very good intro Wallst your a funny guy.

[dustdevil28]

wallst said:

I currently live in Sin City. It's great for vacationers, but not for locals. Trust me.

welcome to the board Josh. Las Vegas is alright but I'll take the northern part by Reno anyday.

I'm a Laker fan, and a big Dodger fan. My favorite football team is the Raiders.

Great a basketball fan. I thought I was doomed to see hockey posts prevail here.

I'm also a Lakers fan, but I'm pissed they picked Kobe over Shaq.

Nice intro Josh, I look forward to your posts

[sneegro9783]

You're going to fit right in here, Josh. Welcome.

[CommonSense]

Welcome, Josh.

Youngest one here? I don't know...how old are you?

[wallst]

I'm sixteen/HSsophomore

[tits]

A support group just may be what you have found. Though many of us are probably old enough to be your parents, many are fighting chronic and terminal illnesses. We have people with heart disease, cancer, and some other debilitating illnesses posting here.

You have the right attitude to face your "thorn in the flesh". Blow some steam and you may find someone who will listen.

Dave (Survivor twice over)

[LorSpi]

BTW - it's not your age folks object to. It's that white sticky stuff you leave all over the place. Yeah - look what you can do. Now stop it.

[wallst]

Was that comment about cum a joke, Lorspi?

[LorSpi]

wallst said:

Was that comment about cum a joke, Lorspi?

Still unsoiled?

Yes Josh that was a joke about pubescent boys discovering their boner and what it can do. I am equally caustic when encounter a 15 year old girl with a bun in the oven saying "Look what I can do" as well. There is no shortage of either.